In the end, we are all just trying to figure out what our lives mean. From the kindest, gentlest soul to the shallowest person to the meanest son of a bitch; we're all just trying to make sense of life before we die.
There are many philosophies, psychologies and religions to go by--(the three fields being related). How to make sense and decide which to follow, which gives us our own peace of mind. Because in the end, it's all about peace of mind. Can I really be sure of anything outside of my belief in it?
I've spent a lot of time thinking about it--too much time, I'm sure. It's like a giant jigsaw puzzle, but you don't have all the pieces and you don't know what the picture is--you're trying to figure it out by seeing what pieces fit together. You find some pieces in psychology, some in religion, some in sociology, some in philosophy, some in sports, some in science, some in everyday life. You try to put them together; some fit, some don't and sometimes you find later that pieces you thought fit, don't really but you never get enough pieces to see the whole picture.
For some, it's easy: all your answers are in the Bible (or Koran or Talmud, etc...). For others, it's not.
And while I won't stop trying to put the pieces together, I've boiled it down to one simple outlook: I'll be dead.
I want this one simple truth to be my guiding light throughout the rest of my years but have not yet been able to fully live by it. A simple truth hard to implement.
I'm 44 years old, I'll die at some point during the next 44 years (most likely) and for a number of these years I'll be as helpless as when I was a kid. So, life, why...or why not?
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3 comments:
why life? because we have the ability to make an impact on another- that's what I believe...I haven't seen you in 25 years at least, but feel closer to you and closer to my perspective on life because of what I just read- YOUR thoughts. Thank you for staying in touch. Maybe we'll meet at one of the WPHS reunions, maybe not- but after we're dead...who knows...
Thanks Rebecca,
I agree, it's all about impact on the world around you, however far out the ripples roll. I thought originally about linking to this book; The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker. In the end, he writes:
"Who knows what form the forward momentum of life will take in the time ahead or what use it will make of our anguished searching. The most that any one of us can seem to do is fashion something--an object or ourselves--and drop it into the confusion, make an offering of it, so to speak, to the life force."
The problem I see in leading a life based on impacting the life of another is this: our impact on another can never fully be gauged as positive or negative. In my experience (which I fear is the only lens I can see fully through) the positive impact I thought I was having on others was guided largely by false beliefs I held at the time, and I may, in hindsight, have done more harm than good. I shudder to think of the way my life has weaved through the lives of others. Makes me never want to leave my house.
Unfortunately, life is never so clear cut. In my fantasy world, the pieces of the puzzle come together in the last moments before death and we see what our true impact on our life and the lives of others has been. In the meantime, we are all stumbling in the dark, paving the road to Hell with our good intentions.
But hey, that's just me. Can't say this view makes me happy but I can afford no further delusions.
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