The Two Joes

All the reconnection I've been doing has made me a little nostalgic for some musicians I knew. Joe Bilotti and Joey Howell. We all went to the same highschool, though Mr. Howell was a grade or two above.

These are two of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and I'll be damned if you don't always find them with a smile on their faces.

As musicians, they were two of the best I've ever seen. Mr. Bilotti I believe studied music at my alma matter, Montclair State in NJ, while I believe Mr. Howell attended The Berklee College of Music in Boston.

Back when I was single in my twenties, these two played together in a band (of which I don't recall the name)...but they were just amazing together.

I only recently found out Mr. Bilotti was playing in Soft Parade and that made me try to hunt down what became of Mr. Howell, who is currently playing in a band called Parrot Beach. If you ever get the chance to see these bands with these two playing, go; you'll see true musicianship.

I maybe off on some of my info here, so anyone that knows, please feel free to correct me.

A Book You Have To Read

The Nurture Assumption by Judith Rich Harris

At the end, agree or not, this, above any book I've ever read, I recommend. You simply have got to read this. Even if you don't have children, it's great insight into yourself and your peers.

When I first read it, it was like finally discovering the sociological/psychological/biological version of Einstein's Unified Theory. All I had studied and read in both fields finally came together and the discrepancies explained.

I would love for anyone that reads this blog, if anyone does, to read this book, come back and comment and let me know your thoughts.

John Updike Has Past

At 76.

On Writing

I maybe a book snob but I can appreciate the ability to write well. My old friend Pete once told me (or at least this is what I remember him telling me) of a journalism or some other writing class he was taking in college one year.

I don't recall if this was the first day of class, but the classroom was on the ground floor and apparently the professor entered class through a window. Then he proceeded to discuss some bumper stickers he'd seen and engaged the whole class in this discussion. Finally, some uptight person asked what bumper stickers had to do with the class they were in. Of course, the professor said "everything" because bumper stickers had to say so much with so little...concise writing at its best.

Now, Pete's story might really be an Urban Myth but....

I think good comic books are the same. You've got limited space for narrative and dialogue so you need to be as concise and effective as possible.

I recently came across a film making blog where the writer is taking his comic and converting it to a script. His comic did much with just pictures but he made effective use of the limited space of his text. Comparing his comic to his script is interesting to see what goes into the process. And he's open to feedback....

I'm Such A Damn Hypocrite

I don't know how your family was growing up but (and I think I've already established that mine was probably not real normal) at our dinner table, after our parents left and the four of us remained to finish eating (because we dragged our heels on eating the things we hated: beets, liver, turnips, etc...) we would entertain ourselves and break out into laughing fits.

Sorry for the Henry James-like sentence (though mine is slightly shorter).

Anyway, from the living room, as they watched the evening news, my parents would yell at us to stop what we were doing, knock it off, quit laughing, etc...and we just couldn't stop or fathom why we were getting in trouble for...laughing. What could possibly be wrong with laughing? How could that be wrong? I mean, my parents were just freaks.

Fast forward thirty-some-odd years, and yes, you know where this is going. I'm sitting at the dinner table with my two kids and their acting like complete damn idiots. And there I go telling them to stop, knock it off, quit and all that stuff my parents said to me.

With my kids looking at me like there's something wrong with me, what could I do but, with serious face, rip a fart, get up and walk out of the kitchen, leaving them laughing and unable to breathe.

As the Father of a Teenage Daughter...

...I hate teenage boys.

Dreams, pt 2

I had some rather interesting dreams last night. As in my previous post, it's usually hard to recall them as they fade so quickly. However, the last dream of the night was rather vivid and I can recall it even as I write this.

But this isn't what I'm writing about. Based on a recent post on depression, I started thinking back on my old dreams. While I can recall the dreams in my old journal, I can't recall any from my late twenties or my thirties; again, water out to sea.

I wonder if my dreams would have been different had I diagnosed my depression earlier in life and had been taking medication. Would they be different in any way? How does depression affect the subconscious? How does medication?

An interesting question.

A Little Sumpin Sumpin on Cigars

I enjoy a cigar every so often. My old friend Mike in Chicago has good taste in cigars and whenever we're together he's kind enough to offer me a very nice cigar.

Right before I left NJ, a really sweet cigar bar opened in my home town. Of course, I never got to fully take advantage of it and right after that cigars became much more mainstream and popular.

Usually, here alone, I can only afford the occasional box of Swisher Sweets...easy to smoke but not the greatest of taste.

Recently, I had the privilege of obtaining several hand rolled Dominican cigars from a guy from Tampa whilst in Orlando. Very nice smokes.

So, now my brother-in-laws have a little sumpin sumpin to smoke after the Shreveport Mardi Gras next month.

Depression

There is much written on depression these days. Millions of Americans are on some sort of anti-depressant...rightfully or not. Depression in others is easier to determine than in oneself. After all, how do you separate what you've known all your life to be normal when in fact it isn't?

Schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder are more obvious in people, but moderate to severe on-going depression is hard to discern. Often we just think someone is having a bad time of it or are in "a mood" not realizing that, in fact, it could be a clinical problem. In ourselves we just tend to think being "down" is normal when we perceive that life isn't going the way we want.

This is what happened to me. First, it took me to move away from everything in order to see differences. Then it took marital problems to make me realize I had a problem. Another realization is that I suffered, unbeknownst until now, from anxiety instilled in me by the way our father treated us.

Long story short, I got myself on Cymbalta and that has had a huge affect on my life. Anxiety: gone. The ups and downs of good/bad feelings: gone. I feel more even keeled and overall good about myself. I'm not one for regrets but sometimes I can't help wondering if my past would have turned out different if I'd diagnosed this issue many years ago.

Number one reason for no regrets: my family. I couldn't possibly look at my wife and kids and regret anything because it's always possible I wouldn't have them. And in the end, water under the bridge is water out to sea. Only the here/now matters and the decisions I make.

But, of course, this isn't the biggest problem. No, that belongs to seeing one of my kids suffer a similar issue. Both my wife and I suffer from some form of depression and are now on medication. We both have family histories that include bi-polar and schizophrenia, so should we really expect our children to go unscathed?

My son was born 5 weeks early and one of his lungs collapsed. Until now I thought the worst thing in my life was walking into the NICU and seeing a tube sticking out the side of his chest knowing they cut into him and shoved the tube with no anesthetic. That was hard to swallow. But seeing him suffer now is worse.

At first we just thought he had a bad attitude or our parenting was inadequate. Once we decided to do something about it, that made all the difference because you never want your kids to suffer the same things you did. So, we got him on medication, after making sure we did all due diligence to ensure that was necessary...we didn't just walk in and have him medicated. No one wants to medicate their kids, so we chose a very well respected and conservative child psychologist (to the tune of paying cash as he isn't on the insurance plan--and it ain't cheap, let me tell you).

For six months things were greatly improved, but then seemed to slide back. After meeting with the doc we upped his dosage and that had a temporary improved effect, which quickly turned negative. So, we bumped him back down and are currently waiting to meet with the doc again. Hopefully, this may simply amount to changing the type of medication as it hurts to watch your child knowing something just isn't right and knowing he's not happy.

No Doubt Left

For those who weren't sure...we are two different people.....

http://gallery.me.com/paespo1#100091

for more photos of vacation