Realization...with a little truth...

At first I thought perhaps my theory of hyper empathy was mistaken and assumed that perhaps it was a case of my being self absorbed. Having looked upped what it means to be “self absorbed” I now realize it's not that and that the hyper-empathy is correct. “Triggers” set of an unbearable wave of pain and the emotion wells up in my chest and I fight with all my strength to hold back bursting out in tears and just letting it all out. On one hand, perhaps it would be beneficial to let it out, but on the other, one can't live like that. I also think this combines with the “world is too much with me”. Having no belief in an “outer” power greater than myself makes one fear life and hence push away the pain—the problem is that you end up pushing away all the joy as well. I also, now realize, from my reading, that my hyper empathy cost me myself in my marriage and hence, became “no one”. Post divorce I've slowly gotten myself back—including my anger—or my intolerance for stupid politics, idiocy, and selfishness.

Thus, the result of years of pushing away all the pain is that I have built massive walls to the outside. I also realize that I'm happy with my integrity and refusal to “play the game” or “just take a paycheck” or even put my career above the job. I believe you do a job and you do it the best you can to fulfill the purpose of that job...or don't do it at all. But, I have realized that my anger in the face of all this, while may keep me “honest”, it isn't giving my any satisfaction. So, while I maintain my view, perhaps I can try another...approach that achieves the same result but gives some satisfaction—in essence, create your own game within the game and play by your own rules.

Watching Joseph Campbell's Power of Myth again has both reminded me of some things as well as shown me some others I'd not understood the first time around. When you grow up in a Westernized religion, you become indoctrinated to “postpone” this life for a better one after you die. But when you don't believe in an afterlife there is only this one and we should “wallow” in the joy of it.

But what about the evil? You don't ignore it but you do accept it as being a part of the whole. Joy without pain is like spring without winter. To be alive is to risk the pain, to accept that it exists and realize that it is part and parcel of the entire circle. This doesn't mean you just let it ride...you do what you can to help, minimize, “fix” in whatever fashion one is capable. But to deny it, hide from it, build walls from it, wish it way or...even worse, believe things will be better when you die...is to not truly live. And to not truly live is not worth the sacrifice or cost of saving yourself from the pain. Pain is a part of who we really are just as much as joy is—to deny it is to deny ourselves.

Sex and Violence

Through various avenues, the point has been made how often, in movies, the ratings commission seems to be more concerned with sex than with violence. Many point out how ridiculous this is, but I wonder, how much of society would agree with them. Many, I'm afraid.

But why? Why does sex bother people more than violence?

Simply because violence is more acceptable than sex.

But why? Why are we, as a society, more accepting of violence than sex? Or perhaps we should re-phrase; why are we more uptight about sex than violence?

Simply because this country was founded on violence by people who were sexually repressed and religiously uptight. By people who lived in fear and who used violence as a way to over come that fear.

After all, let's be honest, anger, as an emotion is easier than the intimacy that comes with sex.

Getting Older

I have found that the older I'm getting, the more radical my thinking has become, and I certainly no longer give a rat's ass about letting my thoughts be known.

Work has also become a huge boring mass of bullshit. I want to work somewhere that the company's culture is to never ending-ly push the envelope. Companies that believe in what they do to the point where they would never sacrifice quality for the bottom line.

Companies that I admire: Apple, Same Adams--these are product oriented companies--they love what they do, they love making great products--keep doing it and the business will follow. These are companies that push the envelope of what they do, always innovating, always striving to create the best, the greatest. I want to find a company like that and work there.

I'm tired of conservative companies with no vision, full of Dunning-Kruger people. And the sheer lack of accountability; but then, hey, there's none in our Federal government, why should there be anywhere else.

Giving A Rat's Ass

My son's teachers' feedback is this:

While somehow he manages to pull good grades out of his ass, he does not do the work or put in the effort.

Now, this is an old problem...and I won't go into the long discussion on the various things his mother has attempted or thinks. But I know, I know exaclty what the problem is...and it's hereditary...he gets it honest, directly down from me and my father (not sure about his father etc...nor am I sure about my mother's side)--but I do know me and my father.

Basically, when we are not interested in something, we just don't give a rat's ass about it.

Neither stick nor carrot will change the behavior, nor adjusting his medication or changing it. I believe he suffers from:
The Jonah Syndrome (Maslow's)--go down to section VII

I believe this trait is hereditary, just as other personality traits can be (including, to give an example, the dislike of organized religion--got that one too--look it up if you don't believe me--you can find a reference to it in Judith Rich Harris' second book No Two Alike.)

But the question does remain and haunts my thoughts--how, how to get him not to suffer like I did growing up and continue to battle? How? Yes, how?

And so, that got me wondering about the Strengths Movement--I need to read the book, but perhaps this might help him. I don't know if I think it's a catch all for all kids but for some, there is value, plus I certainly don't see a down side. I will need to do some investigating.

It's Been Such A Long Time....

I do miss Brad Delp....but it's been a very, very long time since I even looked at this site let alone posted anything...not that it matters as I'm the only one reading it. Yet, it does represent an external "gathering" of an inner dialogue.

I'm pretty sure I now know why my writing has gone by the wayside...

I drink not from mere joy in wine nor to scoff at faith--no, only to forget myself for a moment, that only do I want of intoxication, that alone.
Omar Khayyam

Basically, I just got tired of thinking, even though it's not like you can just "shut it off", it doesn't work that way, but you can "muffle" it; hence no writing.

But then I started talking to this woman, a very intelligent woman and shit, she's got me thinking again. Went back to Becker's and Harris' books and well...here I am...posting for the first time in nearly a year....

Truth

When younger, I pursued what I thought had to be the "truth" of a subject.  If we were arguing politics, religion or Macs vs. PCs I always figured there had to be one answer that was better, closer to the truth than any other.

I was very political in my youth...still am to some degree, just not as engulfed by it all.  And, to be honest, I liked to argue...not to prove I was right but to prove that what I believed is right, otherwise, if I was wrong, well, how are we to define our lives if what we believe is wrong?

I used to try and equate it to plotting degrees on a map or some destination in space; if off by even one degree, the farther out you went the farther from your destination you would be off course.

At some point, I learned, that to just argue a point, was, in fact, pointless unless you did your homework.  We all tend to express our opinions based on what we think we know or we think is common sense or common belief--opinions held by our peers, on the nightly news or is in the mainstream.

Side note: my belief in the main stream media I'll simply sum up by referring to Noam Chomsky (and his excellent book Manufacturing Consent).

A perfect example is the belief, often expressed in main stream media, that Unions are out of date, or are a cause of whatever problem being discussed.  The auto bailout is an example of this--the first thing everyone typically attacks is unions as being a major cause of the problem.

I believe in unions and used to frequently argue the topic in my youth until one day, in my pursuit of the truth, I decided to actually do some research.  One side or the other had to be right. However, if you think merely doing the research was a simple solution, you'd be surprised.  You really have to be aware that there is good research and bad research and just because someone has done research doesn't make it legitimate.

Without being too arrogant, I think I learned to do good research and to have good judgement when in college and from experience in researching other topics.  I typically look at the sources and notes before buying or reading a book to see if it meets my personal criteria for fair/decent research.  This is one of the reasons I have such a high opinion of Judith Rich Harris' book mentioned in my earlier post on parenting.

So, I did the research on unions and learned that a lot of what we hold as common beliefs are just wrong.

In the end, what I've learned is that some people, most people never want to let go of the common beliefs no matter what you present them with and you end up with an Us vs Them mentality where the truth just doesn't matter.

BTW-I don't necessarily believe that there is a single truth to anything anymore-at 44, I'm not sure what I believe...

Parallel Universes

I've only just gotten into reading on this, but one has to admit, it gets your brain churning.  More thoughts on this later.